When approaching the initial concept for this collection of work, as always, I wanted to concentrate on subject matter that I felt a connection with. I find that my more successful pieces are the ones that speak to my own inner conversations but also the larger koreo happening within society. Having spent 2 years addicted to Morphine and going through the process of reaching rock bottom and finding my understanding of sobriety, Addiction is a massive topic for me.
Looking at how this subject has been handled in the past by other artists, I was confronted by either grimly dark images of people deep in the depths of addiction. Which while beautifully confronting, I feel, perpetuate societal stereotyping around the disease. This is not the message that I wanted to show. Having been through addiction myself, I view it as a gift. Strange I know, let me explain.
The people who live through active addiction and come out the other side, have a unique appreciation of life. They have pushed the boundaries of what the human mind can subject itself too. Addicts must make a choice, to fight against one of the most over powering forces on earth, human nature and fight to right wrongs. They teach us that we are capable of great kindness, forgiveness, love and understanding. They teach us that no matter what, we can always work to be better.
How better else to teach the wider populous about the depths of human suffering than through people who have lived it. Unlike those that set standard practices around dealing with drug addiction, addicts are uniquely qualified to guide us to better ways of doing things. With the last 60 years of "War on Drugs" policy proving itself to be a dismal failure, our drug rates at an all time high and suicide stats casting shame over our country, we are forced to reassess the situation and admit we have handled things poorly. We must find a better way.
Stage One
Research
This was mainly comprised of conceptualising the idea and research. - See GA Research Blog Entry
Stage Two
Skill Building and Defining subject matter
(should warn you here, some of you may want to skip to Stage Three.. technical jargon to insue!)
For a while now I've wanted to do a collection of images centred around addiction and how we view addicts within culture today. Skill Building-
I had a really hard time getting the images to the place I wanted them to be at as far as the feel and style of the images go. But I think this just comes down to skillset knowledge and repetition. You tube tutorials are LIFE!!!!
- Lighting and Studio Hensel lighting. This was a bit of a refresher course for me. Just a jogging of the now slow turning gears of the old frontal cortex!!!
Managed to really get a solid handle on lighting for the shoot. Running only one Hensel light with soft box and set to 5.0, light was placed at distance from the subject with the intent purpose of creating deep backs in a nod to the subject matter (night, private, intimate space, universal and futuristic)
- Effect Tutorials
I wanted to give these pieces a real sense of futurism. In researching, I decided the best way I could accomplish this was through the color palette and affects applied to the
images. This probably was the most intensive process of the project and the most frustrating!!
I have a unique ability to conceptualise an idea to finish in my head very quickly from the birth of an idea.. its my skill set catching up with the ambitions of my brain that I have tremendous issue with some times! And highly ambitious she can be!!!
This was very much how I formulated my approach to this project. Almost working backwards. I know what I want to end product to look like, its just some times working out how to get there. A LOT of trial and error. That and plowing through a ridiculous amount of youtube tutorials till I found ones that had enough of the basics (that I could follow easily without wanting to yank out my hair!!! Omgoodness some of em sound like they're in another language!!) so that I could trial different images repetitively till I cracked the technique and got them to that final outcome that I have in my head. Easier said than done!
Stage Three
Photoshoots and Trial and Error
I wanted to use these pieces to have a direct dialogue with the perceptions that society places on addiction. More so in changing the perceptions around the people who become addicts.
While doing my research, I discovered two things about the type of imagery used to delineate this group of individuals. Either grizzly photos, that bombarded you with the harsh realities of addiction. Junkies half melting out of their own skin, needles jutting skyward, the anti drug slogans and grim titles reinforcing the pain and anger towards the disease. Or the photos that were the polar opposite. Those reformed "found Jesus" and recovery types. You know the ones... those ones that look like they've gone through a conversion center, beaming ear to ear with freshly ironed crisp cotton shirts. Dutily hauled out to pose in smiling pictures for advertising the big business of rehab clinics (313.9 Billion dollar industry world wide)!! I wanted to talk about the POSITIVES of addiction and the balance in the duality of recovery. Maybe its a bit of self flagellation in there too.... having dallied with the mutated foul creature that was my pain killer addiction, I understand all too well that journey. All too well the judgement you must endure with grace because reality is... you were a fuck up! But when I sit my arse in NA (Narcotics Anon, proud chip carrying member thank you very much!!) I see so much beauty. So much love, warmth, fearlessness, mana..... they are people who have stared into the depths of shit, faced death and lived to talk about it.. they are people who have conquered the very primal dark places of what it means to be human. I don't understand why society judges addicts so harshly when there is so much to be learnt through their stories.
During this development time, I played around with different ideas around how I could set up the shoot and the model in order to convey the duality of being an addict. The path they have walked and the light they now choose to exude despite it.
I wanted them to look like modern sage of our time. Like christ's disciples. Yes thats right, I made a biblical reference!! Jesus choose his most trusted disciples from the lower portion of life (Mary Magdalene was a prostitute, Mathew an tax extortionist, Simon a religious zealot) With this thinking in mind, my initial concept was to portray them as religious figures and draw upon that classical referencing. Looking at images of the Madonna, Mary Magdalene and other classical reference from the Late Renaissance and Neoclassicism periods. As well as more recent portrayals of religious icons such as Gandhi, Mother Teressa, Shaolin monk and the Deli Lama and contemporary Photographers such as Patrizia Burra, Chuck Jines, Christian Gaul and Zhang Jingna.
Stage Four
Over the course of eight weeks I conducted sixteen seperate photoshoots with models, all addicts from different walks of life. I wanted to insure that I had a solid core collection of images ranging in facial structure, ages, gender, and angels so that come processing, I had an ample base to work from. Then really it just came down to playing with the images over and over and over until I nailed both concept and technique. Managing to achieve a dream like reality within the dark spaces of the images, I'm really pleased with that darkly private ethereal/ or hellish space... That effect, to be honest was my hardest challenge. Looking at artists like Jingna, I really fell in love with the surreal quality of her work. This sense that while the subject matter is of this world, they seem out of it, above it, mystical.
Stage Five Selection This series was developed with the intent purpose of entering a selection of 3 images for the Canon Eyecon competition. In order to narrow my selection down from the bulk of images processed in post, I assessed each as a A1 print and consulted with peers, forming a well rounded critique panel.
This insured that my own bias around the images did not dictate their strength for competition selection. Small tweaks were needed here and there, things like lining up all three images of the faces to the same size, reversing one of the images to create a link and flow to the collection and insuring color pallet matched consistently. This last one proved a giant pain in my arse until I struck a eureka moment and realised how stupidly complicated I had made it for myself!!!! I honestly spent hours, days... nay WEEEEKKKKSSS even, trying to get a consistency going with color and lighting! Adjusting here and there, grunting in frustration, threw things a couple of times when the red was too "orange" yet again..., the green too blue this time... urrrgggg till I realised I could build the initial image and then copy and paste it into the original PDS file in which the initial photo had been created... duhhhhhh yer I know (thanks Diane, I can hear you already!!!)
Stage Six
Expansion *Sigh and Eeeekk*
So.... turns out you should double check your competition is happening before going ahead and spending 6 weeks creating work to find out its not... alas such is life. Developing the series however was a great test run for understanding how I can use the mode of competitions to further my exposure as an artist and push myself to be doing this constantly. Win or loose... However on the bright side of life, the process lead to the images being picked up by the online editorial magazine VICE NZ, possibly a larger exposure pool than the initial competition they were intended for (thank you very much universe!!) This however meant the series of three images had to be expanded out to TWELVE! Somewhat begrudging I trudged back to my hermetic shell other wise called the computer labs. "Repetition works Davy, Repetition works Davy"- Natural Born Killers
https://www.vice.com/en_nz/article/439d3w/these-portraits-capture-the-complexity-of-addiction-recovery?fbclid=IwAR1YGtBUAxlPgCjAB6VVCN7sifc_PLISA3V3kq0McfvflKVnjnelCJ440BE